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2 years ago
Oct 12, 2021


How to Make Friends and Influence People: A Guide

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How to win friends? How can we win the heart of another person so that they like us, respect us, and trust in our intents?These are some questions I've been asked many times throughout my life. And it led me to an exploration into what makes human beings tick!My aim has

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How to win friends? How can we win the heart of another person so that they like us, respect us, and trust in our intents?

These are some questions I’ve been asked many times throughout my life. And it led me to an exploration into what makes human beings tick!

My aim has always been about making humans happy so that they can contribute well.

Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

Don’t criticize – This means that if somebody tells me something they did, I don’t jump on it right away, telling them why they shouldn’t have done what they just told me about.

If someone does something I disapprove of, instead of jumping at the chance to point out all their mistakes and shortcomings, I might first say: “I see how that might have been a problem. Tell me more about it” or “What do you think would be the best way to handle this in the future?”

Don’t weep – If I feel that there’s something wrong, rather than voicing my opinion and letting everyone know how bad everything is all of the time. I need to focus on finding solutions and improving things instead of talking about what’s not working out well for me at any given moment.

2. Give honest and sincere acknowledgment.

When you make a person feel important, like they are somebody special to you, new doors of possibility open when you meet people for the first time and shake their hand, say something that will be remembered: “Hello! How is your day going?” or “What’s up today?” Try saying these phrases once in a while when meeting someone – it makes them feel good about themselves!

A smile goes a long way too. Put on your best face with an energetic greeting and try giving sincere compliments such as: Good morning! It was so nice meeting you last night., You look great today!.

People need appreciation; from all aspects of life–in work, relationships, family.

3. Bring out in the other person an eager needed

When you’re interacting with someone, it’s important to find out what they really care about and then help them achieve their goals.

For example, if a coworker wants more responsibility on projects but never asks for it—offer some helpful advice or make sure their boss knows how much he or she would enjoy being given this opportunity!

This will increase your chances of winning friends and influencing people every time you interact with them. It is because not only are you helping ensure one of their desires comes true (which makes them happy) but by offering assistance without even asking for something from the person.

How to Make People Like You

1. Become positively interested in other people

If you want to win friends and impact others, you must express genuine gratitude to them. Heartfelt compliments help customers be happy about themselves. Therefore they should be given. They are more inclined to comply with your demands if they believe that you have a great enthusiasm in them as a person as opposed to a number.

When someone does something for us at work or at home, the simplest gestures may be very meaningful: A simple “thank you” can go a long way in expressing our gratitude to them. By recognizing another person’s efforts and expressing our appreciation for them, we make the other person feel valued and appreciated.”

2. Smile

Smile more often to make people like you and feel good about themselves, according to a 2008 study from Duke University. In it, researchers had subjects watch an actress either smile or frown for 30 seconds at a time while they recorded their reactions in detail with video cameras.

The research found that expressions of sadness conveyed no more empathy than those of anger and were less successful as responses to negative situations when compared with happy ones. Observers rated sad faces as being cold-hearted and insensitive.

Smiling is important for making new friends, so smile when you’re around others. Your smiles will give them positive vibes and good thoughts about themselves; thus, increasing their self-esteem and mood, yours as well!

Smile at other customers in the grocery store or bank line up to make small talk with strangers. The fact that so many people are pleased to return the same act of compassion towards you will make you feel good about yourself! And who knows? Maybe one day they’ll even become your friend too because of it!

3. Remember that the name of a person is the sweetest and most significant sound for that individual in any language.

The first step in gaining friends and influencing people is to remember the name of that person. This makes people feel valuable, appreciated and recognized. It signifies something when you speak their name. They’re not simply random people’s faces. One of my favorite tricks for remembering names is to ask questions. This gets me thinking about what I’ve learned from or about them, which helps with recall.

Everyone wants to be liked and admired. We all want to feel important, but it doesn’t happen automatically. You have to make an effort! Win Friends by remembering other people’s names. There is nothing in the world that is more exciting than an individual who can recall the name of somebody they just met or meet that very day and use their name in the conversation!

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

One of the most important steps to win friends is to involve people. Don’t be aggressive, demanding, or judgmental – which shows a lack of consideration for others.

Listening, with no doubt, is an essential skill to win friends and influence people. You should also encourage others by letting them know that their opinion matters to you, even if it’s not something that you want to hear.

Plus, listening wisely means hearing more than just the words someone says. It involves paying attention through body language and facial expressions to read between the lines so we may truly listen with our hearts instead of simply waiting for an opportunity to make a rebuttal!

5. Talk about the preferences of the other person’s interests.

Talk about the preferences of the other individual. For example, if you’re trying to sell a fishing book, don’t only speak about how many fish were caught with this or that type of bait.

In any conversation, there will be moments when one participant wants to change the subject. It is an unavoidable part. When this happens, remember that most people believe themselves to be interesting enough without being constantly asked questions-so give them an opportunity! Ask open-ended questions: “So tell me more,” “What do you think?”

6. Make others feel chief – and do it naturally.

– Pay sincere compliments. “I am delighted that you said ‘x.'” If you are pained about something someone has done, say: “You certainly did a good job of x.” The other person will be flattered and may forget what he or she didn’t like in the first place, whereas if I had opposed him on his pet hobbyhorse, it might start an argument.

– Become genuinely interested in people. Ask questions – don’t tell them things. Remember that one never knows whom he is talking to. We prefer to speak about ourselves, and we like been attentively listened to … even by strangers … especially by children who make friends so easily because we know how little effort adult friendship takes!

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. Try to avoid every possibility of arguments.

This is a simple yet powerful technique to gain friends and influence others.

If you can avoid an argument with someone or prove your point without resorting to confrontation, do it! Put yourself in their shoes for once- what would they want? It’s not worth the time and stress. You could leave feeling frustrated or angry at nothing more than wasted energy spent on arguing about something that doesn’t matter. If things are too heated, though, walk away while there is still some formality left to recoup, so you don’t ruin any relationships over this disagreement.

2. Show respect for the other person’s beliefs. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

Keep in mind that the other person may be superior to you in this particular area. When they seem not to understand or agree with a point that you know is right, refrain from saying, “You’re wrong.” Instead, say something like: “Let me restate what I think is the closest equal of what you are trying to say” or if it seems reasonable and helpful, “If we look at it this way …

What do you think?” In such examples, how can anyone feel discredited? You have called attention respectfully for further discussion. It’s hard enough when one starts out feeling inferior without having someone else emphasize his natural feelings by telling him he’s no good as he is!

3. If you are not right, acknowledge it.

This is where you really show people that you are confident and honest. People may feel so wronged by your mistakes. They’ll try to get revenge on you. If the person has a sense of justice or fair play, he will see how much better it is for him in the long run if he forgives and cuts his losses instead of trying to punish someone who admits she made a mistake.

4. Begin in a friendly way

The first words you speak will either set the tone for your entire conversation or encourage, if not demand, different behavior from your conversation partner.

It is imperative that the initial cordiality be sincere and natural, so it doesn’t seem forced or phony.” I’m glad to see you,” “How’s everything going?” or “I hope this isn’t too inconvenient” are genuine ways of establishing an attitude of friendliness at the outset of any meeting.

If they don’t feel comfortable with these greetings, ideas like “You’re looking well today” or something similar can also work wonders as long as there is warmth and sincerity behind them. They should never sound perfunctory because enthusiasm makes all.

5. Get someone else to say “yeah of course” quickly.

The word “yes” has amazing power. It can be used as a charisma to produce agreement or cooperation in others. When you can get the other person saying these two powerful words–or even better yet when they say them of their own accord-they are yours!

6. Allow the other person to do a significant amount of the communicating.

People who talk a lot are usually good company and can be very interesting, but they should not oversee the conversation because most people will find them boring in time.

You do not have to compete with others when you put your conversational skills to work, and you may gain more attention by listening patiently at first than if you competed for it.

Avoiding disputes is one of the best ways of enhancing yourself as well as gaining new friends. If possible, steer the subject away from anything that might cause agitation or anger. Some subjects are better left alone even though we all enjoy discussing certain things – racism, myths, contentious topics like abortion and criminal convictions, etc.,

7. Create an impression in the other person’s mind that the concept is his or her.

When you are trying to get someone to take action, do not give them the idea. Let that person come up with his or her own ideas and ask for your help in implementing those specific plans instead of telling them what needs to happen.

People like being able to think they came up with their own ideas because it makes them feel more independent and intelligent. If you present a plan, explain how this is best achieved by following your instructions instead of giving him or her the final product as a finished solution. For example: “I know what would be really fun – why don’t we go see ‘The Avengers’?” Asking questions about one’s day-to-day life also helps make people feel autonomous; just listen attentively

8. Make a truthful exertion to see things from the other person’s perspective.

When you are trying to correct, or persuade someone who has different views from your own, don’t begin by stating what facts and arguments you have against their opinion. Let them tell you what they think first. Then show them that those reasons were not good enough before proceeding with yours.

9. Be compassionate with the concepts of other individuals.

When you state your ideas to others, be sure that the other person wants them and is committed to their success. You can’t get cooperation if the other party doesn’t want what you’re selling. Win people over by showing interest in their thoughts and desires, giving attention generously (without argument), and being sympathetic with any objections they might have; work on a solution together.

10. Lay it thick on your creative ideas.

For example, if you want to convince your college roommate to take turns cleaning up the kitchen, say: “I don’t know how we can go on living together in this filthy mess!”

If you want to get them excited about a project, say: “We could be outstanding! We’ll change history!”

11. Assign yourself a specific job.

We’ve all been there, where we’re trying to get someone of something, and they just don’t seem to be taking the bait. Don’t give up! There’s one more thing you can try: throw down a challenge that will turn their thinking upside down and get them on your side instantly.

Whether it is a game or an intellectual competition or playing rock paper scissors with them! Offer up the chance for this person to beat you in some way, shape, or form as a way of getting them over the hump so you can move forward together–and make sure not to mention anything about who “wins” first until after. They have already accepted your offer! After that, whoever wins will be indebted to you and your cause or idea from that point forward.

The Art of Being a Leader: How to Influence Others without Offending or Disturbing Discontent

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Praise and honest appreciation are two of the most powerful forces known to mankind. They make people feel good about themselves, which they often need more than anything else in this difficult world.

– What will give human beings a sense of achievement? A pat on the back or just applause from somebody that means something to them! These affirmations reassure people that what they’re doing is correct, and it gives them confidence for taking new steps.

– Be as generous with your praise as you possibly can be without becoming insincere. Remember that nobody ever became “overpraised” when all he got was sincere compliments from his boss every three months at appraisal time or more often if deserved! Yet we have heard so many people say, “I just don’t feel that I am ever praised for my work.”

– The person who deserves appreciation often is not the one to give it! So do your fair share and try to be sincere and then pass out praise with a generous hand.

2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

You do not have to convince people that they are wrong. You need only point out the facts which show them how their actions affect other people.

A man who does a careless thing, even though he knows better, is much more likely to pay attention if you say: “This will hurt me considerably than it hurts you,” than when told: “You’re doing this deliberately.”

If someone has done something foolish or selfish and it’s your responsibility as boss or supervisor, use tactfully phrased comments instead of critics. For example: “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you with this,” rather than” What were you thinking?”

3. Talk about your own mistakes before denouncing the other person.

This is a big one that many people forget about when they start criticizing the other person’s mistakes. When you point out someone else’s mistake, it often feels like pointing out your own, and nobody wants to do that because they don’t want any criticism of themselves.

As Dale Carnegie says in his book, “Let us not try to balance the injustice by also presenting our side as being all right; we are not going before humankind with this plea: “We are perfect! You ought to be just like us!” We have no such ambition for ourselves or anyone else. All that we ask is fairness–fairness on both sides.”

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

We all want to feel that our ideas are important and that we count for something. The only way you can make this come true is by being genuinely interested in the other person and showing a genuine desire to find out what he wants or needs.

– Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

– Showing genuine interest will help you connect with others on a human level rather than just treating them as another cog in the machine.” One day I was walking through town when I saw four men sitting idly at one corner of the square,” Dr. Carnegie writes. “I went over to speak to them about their troubles, but they brushed me off, saying they were getting ready for work soon.

5. Let the other person save face.

For persuading people, let them save face by sharing your idea in a way that makes it appear they thought of it, believe in it, and are taking action because of their belief in you and your ideas.

– For example, if one person suggests an ice cream cone while another prefers chocolate: “I’m so glad we both like ice cream!”

– If you want someone to help you with something, but they seem hesitant: “Wow! I can’t tell how much this would mean to me.”

“It seems that even though I might not be qualified yet for this opportunity on my own, working together will make both of us better.

– If you want someone to do something for you: “I know this is a big request, but I really need your help.”

6. Applause every improvement.

– Win Friends by affirming your approval of their change in behavior and encouraging them to continue with the change. – Influence People by praising any improvement they demonstrate, as this encourages more positive changes.

Give Preference To Their Interests Above Your Own: Win Friends By Giving Them More Attention Than They Give You

– Win friends who may be neglecting you by giving them a larger portion of your time than they give you in return for it being reciprocal at some point in the future; gain their interest and desire to spend more time with you.

– Win friends by giving them more attention than they give you and demonstrating that it is not a one-sided relationship. But rather a two-way street of reciprocity as all relationships should be. This will demonstrate your interest in their life to win new friendships or maintain old ones.

7. Give someone else a great reputation.

In the Win Friends section, Carnegie talks about how to give other people a fine reputation. He says it’s good to compliment the person often, state specifically what is appreciated in their work or behavior, and try not have criticism too harsh by pointing out both strong and weak points of theirs with equal forcefulness. Letting others know we think they are competent will help them live up to our expectations for themselves – which should be high! In this regard, praise can do much more than condemnation.”

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Encouragement is a subtle form of flattery. If you want to cultivate a friendship, nothing succeeds like praise. Remember that old saying about how nobody can live on bread alone? Well, people cannot live on encouragement alone either, but it’s better than no food at all and much more nourishing than criticism.

Following are the ways in which we might buoy up others:

(a) By doing something he knows needs to be done; or

(b) by telling the person what he has already done well-praising him for what he has accomplished. How do I know whether my words will produce results? That depends upon who hears them and what mood they happen to be in when they hear them.

9. Let others be pleased to do what you propose.

– You have probably heard this old saying: “If you want a job done well do it yourself.”

This is because people who perform tasks, they enjoy and will often outperform those that don’t. People like helping others and making them happy. So when someone tells us what we should be doing to help them or make their lives better. We tend to feel more obliged than if it was something we were simply told by somebody with no stake in our success.

It’s not just polite either. It feels good for both parties involved, which means there is less chance of any resistance from the recipient. This also goes for Win Friends. If you are trying to Win Friends with someone and the first thing they tell you is that doing this or being like that will not only make their life worse but also theirs then it’s time for a change in direction.

Conclusion

As a result of reading through the whole blog post, you should have a better understanding of what it is that makes people click, and you should be able to put this knowledge to use in your personal life. Changing our natural inclinations will not be simple for most of us.

Nevertheless, we think that there are certain fundamental techniques for improving our relationships with friends or relatives by giving attention to their needs as well as our own may be learned. All of the time spent experimenting with various methods will be well good enough to justify your while once you start noticing changes in the way others respond positively to you.

How has reading this article changed your view on human nature? What is one thing that resonated with or surprised you? Comment below if we can help with anything, how to win friends, let us know. 

References 

  1. Weiss, Ken. “Interview: Hans Lüdemann.” Cadence, vol. 42, no. 4, Cadence The Independent Journal of Creative Improvised Music, Oct. 2016, p. 59.
  2. Carnegie 12.3.03: PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it …. https://fredlybrand.com/2019/07/11/carnegie-12-3-03/
  3. 10 Reasons Why Hmor Is A Key To Success At Work. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/05/03/10-reasons-why-humor-is-a-key-to-success-at-work/
  4. Five Questions With Gavin Ortlund – Insights. https://samueldjames.substack.com/p/five-questions-with-gavin-ortlund
  5. Worrycures | Your Health, YourWealth And Your Self. https://worrycures.com/
  6. Loved Ones and Rehab: Caring for Family During Treatment. https://www.addictioncenter.com/rehab-questions/what-about-my-family/
  7. Make the other personfeel important and do it sincerely …. https://365daysofdalecarnegie.wordpress.com/category/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/make-the-other-person-feel-important-and-do-it-sincerely/
  8. Empower NetworkReview 2015 – Is It A Scam or Pure Hype?. https://davidbishopmakemoneytips.com/empower-network-review-2015/
  9. Nothing is moreimpressive than a person who is secure in …. https://strongwomenquotes.com/nothing-is-more-impressive-than-a/
  10. 9 Effective Communication Strategies to Connect Better …. https://www.proofhub.com/articles/communication-strategies
  11. Talk in Termsof the Other Person’s Interests …. https://www.influencepeople.biz/2010/01/talk-in-terms-of-other-persons.html
  12. Stop Talking to Yourselfand Start Talking to Your Buyers …. https://content4demand.com/blog/stop-talking-to-yourself-and-start-talking-to-your-buyers/
  13. Dale Carnegie – The onlyway to get the best of an…. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/dale_carnegie_126129
  14. If You Are Wrong, AdmitIt – The Working Single Mom. https://theworkingsinglemom.com/wrong-quickly-emphatically/
  15. Human Relations Principle #17 to Win People to Your Way of …. https://businessenergizers.net/human-relations-principle-17-to-win-people-to-your-way-of-thinking/

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